Senate Committee for Overdue Contract Fund [sic]…

I dare say we’ve all received one of these compelling sub-Saharan solicitations from some diligent panjandrum. Though they can’t usually spell, they normally head up an august financial institution that has, by some freak of fortuity, been endowed with untold riches which, but for some bureaucratic boobery, should be sitting in your current account.

What amazes me is that some lubricious bazaar tout is still sitting in his tawdry Lagos misery hole, spending time contriving these wonderfully ungrammatical, pseudo-official missives and dispatching them in their thousands to junkmail boxes accross the globe. However, what’s actually even more improbable is that it’s clearly still worthwhile. The swindle would be pointless if someone, somewhere, didn’t actually look at something like this (infra) and think, ‘Yes, I will send my bank details forthwith to Nigeria, possibly pen my resignation letter after my elevenses and then just wait for the cash to roll in from the Senate Committee for Overdue Contract Fund [sic].’

I’ll give them something, though, they spin a good yarn. In the case of my recent correspondence, it was the peremptory, “ATTENTION BENEFICIARY” that first arrested me, but the mysterious intervention of the enigmatic, “Mrs Milinda Willis” also provided an ineluctable draw, luring me deeper into the web of seamless deception… I read the entire correspondence. For once, it did pay off. About six lines from the bottom…

Funnily enough, I did piss myself…

ATTENTION BENEFICIARY

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR OVER DUE CONTRACT FUNDS HAS BEE

GAZZETED TO BE RELEASED, VIA KEY TELEX TRANSFER (KTT) – DIRECT WIRE

TRANSFER TO YOU OR THROUGH OUR OFFSHORE OFFICE BY THE SENATE

COMMITTEE FOR FOREIGN OVER DUE FUND TRANSFER.MEANWHILE, A WOMAN M/S

MILINDA WILLIS CAME TO MY OFFICE FEW DAYS AGO WITH LETTER, CLAIMING TO

BE YOUR TRUE REPRESENTATIVE. HERE ARE HER INFORMATION’S:

NAME MILINDA WILLIS

BANK NAME: CITI BANK

BANK ADDRESS: CALIFORNIA, USA.

ACCOUNT Number: 6503809428.

PLEASE,DO RECONFIRM TO THIS OFFICE ,AS A MATTER OF URGENCY IF THIS

WOMAN IS FROM YOU SO THAT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL NOT BEHELD

RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING INTO THE WRONG ACCOUNT NAME.

IF THIS WOMAN IS NOT YOUR REPRESENTATIVE, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO FILL

AND SEND THIS INFORMATION’S FOR VERIFICATIONS PURPOSES SO THAT YOUR

FUND VALID 17.5 MILLION DOLLARS WILL BE REMITTED INTO YOUR NOMINATED

BANK ACCOUNT THIS FUND IS AS A RESULT OF CONTRACT PAYMENT ON YOUR

BEHALF.

1. YOUR NAME:…

2. YOUR FULL ADDRESS:..

3. YOUR TELEPHONE….

4. FAX………….

5. AGE……..

6. SEX:………………………………

7. YOUR OCCUPATION ……………

8. YOUR VALID ACCOUNT DETAILS:…………

9. A COPY OF YOUR IDENTITY…………

AS SOON AS WE RECEIVE THIS, WE WILL COMMENCE WITH ALL NECESSARY

PROCEDURES IN ORDER TO REMIT THIS MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. THE

BOARD OF DIRECTORS AND THE SENATE COMMITTEE FOR FOREIGN OVERDUE

CONTRACT FUND HAVE APPROVED AND ACCREDITED THIS REPUTABLE BANK

WITH THE OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR,INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE : FOREIGN

OPERATIONS,TO HANDLE AND TRANSFER ALL FOREIGN CONTRACT FUNDS THIS

FIRST QUARTER PAYMENT OF THE YEAR.

HOWEVER,WE SHALL PROCEED TO ISSUE ALL PAYMENTS DETAILS TO THE SAID

MRS.WILLIS, IF WE DO NOT HEAR FROM YOU WITHIN THE NEXT SEVEN WORKING

DAYS FROM TODAY.

WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY INCONTINENCE THE DELAY IN TRANSFERRING OF THIS

FUND MUST HAVE CAUSED YOU,

REPLY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE YOU RECEIVED THIS EMAIL; (gov_konan@yahoo.cn)

BEST REGARD,

Governor

Mobile Line +22968750428

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