School of Hard Glocks….

After a succession of school shootings, teachers in South Dakota may soon be allowed to carry guns in the classroom. I suppose the argument is, it evens up the odds – if some marginalised malcontent turns up at his alma mater, nursing a grievance and cradling an assault rifle, the teachers can fight back, OK Corral style. I know it’s fashionable to be outraged by this sort of thing, especially if it happens in the States, but if a gun-toting loon turned up at my daughter’s primary school, I’d be absolutely delighted if Miss Trubshaw drew a Glock from the waistband of her Peacocks slacks and laid down a hail of lead.

But never mind the teachers being armed, at my school, the boys were armed too. In the CCF hut at my school, we had about thirty WW2 .303s, a least two Bren guns, and a load of old .22 rifles. Not only that, my friend Lewis had a very powerful catapult and a Webley Tempest… As a seat of learning, we were packing heat. And as far as I’m aware, we were never once assailed by a homicidal gunman. That having been said, I suppose he might have become fatigued stalking down the imposing driveway and given up his assault… But I doubt it. I think it was the promise of mutually assured destruction that warded off armed predation… Well, I say ‘mutually’, any nutter preying upon Barnhanger’s Academy for Young Gentlemen would have been severly outnumbered – especially on a Thursday, which was CCF day. What a headline that would have made in the Daily Mail: “Toffs Top Tooled-up Tresspasser!”

So, as far as I’m concerned, the outrage shouldn’t be about arming teachers – or school children – it should centre upon the woeful lack of firearms training in the national curriculum…

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