Disgracing the Family Name…

Bloody, buggery toss bags… Bloody Fearne Cotton…. Bloody, bloody Fearn Cotton with her big flarey nostrils and Oxfam chic…

It takes you three months to come up with a name for the imminently arriving child, and what does some vapid celebrity do? Yes, that’s right, they give their kid the cherished name you’d so scrupulously weedled from beneath the heap of dreary, ludicrous, commonplace, pretentious, effeminate, French, religious or otherwise wholly objectionable boy’s names… So, the customary c’leb names like Dweezle or Lump Hammer not good enough for you, eh, Mrs Fearne bloody Cotton with your great gurning showbiz face?? Hmmm??!! Tusk or Glitterhorse not quite to your taste, eh? You just had to have it, didn’t you? You just had to go and spoil a perfectly good name… Why do celebrities even have to have children?

Once a celebrity has touched anything, it’s the kiss of death for me. An inverted Midas touch; the cultural dead hand… So, the name I had been turning over in my mind, which seemed more appropriate, more quietly distinctive everyday, now feels like it’s destined to be about as subtle and sophisticated as a bag of Haribo Star Mix…

Celebrities kill everything: clothes, words, names, places… innocence… joy… Everything.

Why can’t celebrities, with their hollow orange heads and chattering faces, just leave it and bugger off?

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4 Responses to Disgracing the Family Name…

  1. Sarah says:

    Its refreshing to hear someone who isn’t in on the whole celebs make things brilliant circus – I still can’t get my head past they fact they are human too its not really that exciting that one of them decided to go out with no make up on..

  2. How dare she take your name! 🙂

  3. Lol thats so funny you should have rights to the name.

  4. And Fearne Cotton of all people…I too would be mortified, I must admit…. 😀

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